


It all started with the Milk Box

by nelka7122



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A lot of swearing here, Addicted to kisses?, Crack, Daichi can get hard in 0.8 seconds mhm, Fucking Milk boxes and shit, Hinata Shouyou is a Dork, Implied Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Indirect Kiss, Kageyama Tobio is a Dork, M/M, Mommy Trashykawa is best Mommy, Oblivious Kageyama Tobio, Papa Daichi and Mama Suga?, Somehow Suga and Daichi are the parents though?, Suga is a pokemon?, Technically this is Non-Consensual kissing?, What is this fan fic?, fluff?, you can never have too many tags yo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 08:02:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6558658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nelka7122/pseuds/nelka7122
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Ah could it be that Hinata-kun actually likes Kageyama-kun?" In which the children are fighting over spilled milk and pointless things when they could be practicing volleyball, where Daichi gets hard in 0.8 seconds, where Suga is a Pokemon, and where Trashykawa can't stop crying. Basically pure crack. Originally posted on ff.net but I hate that website so much. It hurts me OTL (but I still post things on it? Gotta spread the cracky Haikyuu joy oh boi)</p>
            </blockquote>





	It all started with the Milk Box

**Author's Note:**

> Imma straight up tell you this shit contains swearing so if you're the type who doesn't like mother fucking swear words, get the fuck out yo! //shot  
> *I'm kidding, I love you all because I'm a lonely cat woman who finds comfort in lil gay shits like these guys in this fic* 
> 
> Haikyuu doesn't belong to me. Haikyuu is the property of Haruichi Furudate.  
> I wrote this like two weeks ago so like why not? Don't steal from me yo, only I can steal from me!  
> (Not like you'd want to steal crack anyway, crack is bad for you. Don't do drugs kids!)  
> This story is also full of perfect 8s. Don't even question it, 8 is a perfect number.

Hazel eyes locked onto stormy blue eyes in an intense and heated staring contest. Cheeks puffed wide like that of a squirrel’s, the shorter male lifted his chin up and pointed an accusing finger at the dark haired teen. “Ka. Ge. Ya. Ma. Why didn’t you toss to me yesterday?” The ginger shouted with a very silly, anime like expression. Kageyama’s grip on his milk box tightened, before he mimicked Hinata’s expression and gave back his response, except in a slightly scarier way, because everything Kageyama did was just so kowaii desu ne. “You dumbass! You were so shitty yesterday I didn’t even want to toss to you!” He retorted, pointing his finger straight back at Hinata. In turn, the little pipsqueak got even more riled up. 

“I only missed it that one time!” He yelled back, somehow getting a bit closer to Kageyama, just so that they were even more in each others faces than before. “Oi, you really must be a dumbass then if you can’t even count! You messed up eight times! EIGHT WHOLE PERFECT EIGHT TIMES!” Kageyama immediately shot back, grabbing Hinata’s fluffy orange hair and tugging him along. (Ah but of course he had to notice, very briefly, just how nice and soft it felt under his calloused fingertips) Consequently, the shorter of the two began squirming and thrashing his arms around. “OW OW OW BAKAGEYAMA! THAT HURTS!” 

“Kageyama-kun, that’s not very nice” A wild Suga appeared! Suga’s almost-passive-aggressive tone was super effective in getting Kageyama to calm down! As soon as the wild Suga appeared, Kageyama made a little “tsk” sound before releasing Hinata’s hair. However, the chipmunk was not about to let Kageyama off that easily. “I will get my revenge!” He proclaimed and leaped forward, startling the taller male ever so slightly. (His kokoro even went doki doki, but it’s not like he knew exactly why he was feeling so guwaaaa) Immediately, Hinata snatched the milk box out of Kageyama’s hand and took a nice, long sip, draining the container or all of its contents. (Of course, the straw was still a little bit wet from when Kageyama had it between his lips, but it’s not like Hinata noticed when all he had on his mind was REVENGE REVENGE REVENGE!) 

As soon as the box was empty, Hinata practically shoved it in Kageyama’s hands. “TAKE THAT, BAKAGEYAMA!” The ginger shouted triumphantly. However, this only got Kageyama back into ‘fighting’ mode. “You piece of shit!” And cue more pointless fighting, all while Suga, forgotten in the background, poker faced very intensely. He had noticed, actually, the significance of Hinata’s action, and tried to use that as a means of stopping the fight. “Ah could it be that Hinata-kun actually likes Kageyama-kun? That was an indirect kiss, was it not??” He said almost too calmly, but his composed form did nothing to hide the massive sweat drop forming on the side of his head. 

Just as he suspected, they were not listening to him at all! How rude. They were all running out of time as well. Practice was due to start soon and if they didn’t hurry up, they would miss up to eight whole precious minutes of volleyball! To think that all that time would be wasted on a pointless squabble. Looks like it was time to bring out the big guns. It was time to call…Daichi! Good thing that Daichi and Suga were practically joined at the hip, so all Suga had to do was think really, really hard, and within a matter of seconds, the captain appeared right next to him. 

“Ah Daichi, good, you’re here! Our children are fighting and I can’t get them to stop arguing” Suga said very innocently. Innocent was good. Mostly because Daichi could never resist him when he was innocent. Then again, he never could resist him when he was, well, in any mood and using any expression. He could probably wake up looking like shit with a bird nest on his head and Daichi would still probably get hard in 0.8 seconds. Hearing mommy get so distraught, Daichi put on his best assertive papa attitude. 

“CHILDREN!” He shouted with this menacing aura around him. Immediately, the two stopped bickering because they always listened to their father. “Your mother is very upset with you! Listen to what he has to say!” Daichi said, fists on his hips, as if he was some superhero. (Well, he was Suga’s hero, so that was close enough). “Thank you papa” Suga said and leaned in to give Daichi a kiss on the cheek. Daichi looked incredibly proud of himself in that moment, for he knew that he would be getting laid that night. 

Now that the children were finally behaving, Suga stepped up and repeated what he had previously said. “As I was saying, could it be that Hinata-kun actually likes Kageyama-kun? That was an indirect kiss.” As soon as the words left his lips, everything went silent. Awkward. Kageyama looked rather unfazed, as if the words completely hadn’t even sunk in. The word kiss was not in his vocabulary, and the word indirect was not either. Then again, his vocabulary was composed 99% of Volleyball and 1% of “HINATA YOU DUMBASS”. 

Hinata, on the other hand, went completely still, as if he was caught in a movie and the viewer pressed pause. And with one little switch, his whole face went completely red, even redder than his hair! “W-W-Wha??? N-nnoonono, as if I’d ever even want to share a kiss with that guy! He’s scary! Even if it is indirect, I don’t want it!” the little ginger shouted like a little kid, pointing an accusing finger at Kageyama while jumping up and down like a frog. Kageyama didn’t really know what was going on, but he got offended anyway, and another argument started between them. 

“Well it’s not like I’d want to kiss you either! You’re practically a kid, for fuck’s sake. I’d be arrested for pedophilia for sure!” (Somewhere, in the distance, mommy Trashykawa was suddenly overcome with a feeling that his son was finally using grown up words. He wiped a single tear from under his eye.) It almost looked like Daichi’s papa voice would be needed again, but Daichi was too distracted by playing with Suga’s hair to pay attention to the two kids. “Daichi, stop that, we need to fix them again!” Said Suga, although it’s not like he minded Daichi’s fingers in his sliver locks in the slightest. 

No, he had to control himself. He stepped away from Daichi and gave him a serious look. (He could have sworn that the captain got hard in 0.8 seconds because of that look). “Fix them and I’ll give you a real kiss~” He said with a wink. Oh damn, how was Daichi supposed to control his junk now? Well, the sooner he fixed this, the sooner he could fix himself, right??? “OI, LISTEN YOU TWO! GET YOUR ASSES TO PRACTICE” he said sternly and once again, the fighting stopped. Suga looked a lot happier now, too. “Thank you Daichi. Here is your kiss” He said as he placed a light peck on Daichi’s lips. 

It was at this time that Kageyama looked at them and added the word kiss to his vocabulary. “Kissu?...Kissu?” He muttered under his breath, stroking his chin as he was lost in thought, like some well known philosopher. Then, immediately his face snapped back to Hinata. “So that’s a real kiss!” He exclaimed. Well, now was the perfect time to get his revenge and show Hinata just how scary he was. Maybe. Quickly, he grabbed the little ginger by his shoulders and pulled him in, placing his lips against Hinata’s in a really awkward kiss. (In the distance, mommy Trashykawa started crying. “Why are you crying now, Shittykawa?” Iwaizumi had asked. Tooru just swooned very gracefully and latched onto his shirt. “Iwa-chan so mean. Can’t you sense it? Our little boy is all grown up.”) 

Kissing Hinata actually wasn’t that bad at all. So he did it again. Hinata tasted slightly like his milk (but not...the dirty kind)…and a little bit like gummy bears. Well, since Hinata had eaten like half of his lunch before, perhaps Kageyama should just eat Hinata up too. So he did it again, despite Hinata getting really flustered and shouting insults at him in between the kisses. It was almost like kissing Hinata was addicting, like it was a drug or something, because once Kageyama started, he couldn’t stop giving him little kisses, and soon it got to the point where he couldn’t control himself at all. “Help. Me. Stop. This!” He shouted at his senpais in between kisses. 

Suga sweat-dropped yet again. “I’ll grab the squirrel, you grab the king?” Suga suggested and Daichi just went along with it because he was mostly just thinking with his dick at the moment and how super laid he was going to get. Thus, the two senpais pulled the two children apart. It was actually incredibly hard to do so, almost like pulling magnets apart, because no matter how hard Suga tugged at Hinata, his body would just naturally be drawn back to Kageyama, and no matter how hard Daichi tugged at Kageyama, his body would just naturally be drawn back towards Hinata. It was like they couldn’t be more than a foot apart, so Suga and Daichi settled for just separating them a little bit. 

Now once Hinata was finally free, he sank to the floor and turned into a little blushy puddle. Clearly, those kisses were simply too much for him. In the end, Daichi just declared that today’s practice was cancelled, because with a liquid Hinata, a kiss addicted Kageyama, and a very sexy Suga standing right next to him, there was no way practice would go on. 

It just so happened that all of the other team members were not even there either. Tanaka was busy chasing after Shimizu-chan, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were probably off being gay somewhere, Noya had gone off and gotten married to a PERFECTLY SANE fangirl (Hint, it’s totally not me), and none of the other team members were important enough (They are ungrateful lil shits anyway yo). Then there was Asahi who was just sitting there, crisscross apple sauce, on the floor of the gym with a volleyball in his lap. “Hello? Guys? Is anyone here?” He cried out. It was starting to get very dark out and the gym lights were starting to flicker. “Guys???? I’m still waiting for you”. He said as tears streamed from his eyes. In the end, Asahi ended up sleeping on the floor, cuddling that very volleyball.

**Author's Note:**

> Hinata is a precious smol child  
> They are all lil shitty dorks  
> If you like my story, I would appreciate it if you'd let me know~ Comment, heart, whatever this website lets you do~


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